As the fanfare of the Paris 2024 Olympics fades, the afterglow and pride in the discipline, dedication, and sacrifice of over 10,700 Olympians will endure within them. Yet, even for gold medalists, more complex emotions may linger. Whether it’s an Olympic medal, Nobel Prize, Oscar, or other coveted achievement, how much does winning contribute to a good life? What is vital in the pursuit and aftermath of winning to flourish long term, and how do we convey this to young people just beginning their journey? We spoke with five-time Olympian Dara Torres and several notable scholars to learn more.

Winning: The Big Picture

Winning, in its many forms, is more than the thrill of victory. It reflects human potential and societal values, often bringing additional economic and health benefits. When winning is pursued with integrity and a sense of purpose, it can be a catalyst for personal growth, fulfillment, and a more meaningful existence. However, the pursuit of winning at any cost can have a dark side, leading to cheating, self-harm, or a failure to connect winning to a larger life purpose. 

Gold Medal Syndrome, characterized by depression, anxiety, and a sense of emptiness, affects many athletes after competition. This phenomenon isn’t limited to sports; even professors, for example, can feel letdown after achieving tenure because “this thing they’ve worked for now has been achieved,” says Michael Lamb, the Chair of Leadership and Character at Wake Forest University. “St. Augustine talks about certain kinds of praise as being smoke—very fleeting.” 

Lamb suggests that embracing a growth mindset, which values learning and personal development as valuable achievements in themselves, can provide a sense of accomplishment beyond external validation. Lamb also advocates for a moral growth mindset, recognizing that mistakes are opportunities for growth in character.

says Lamb. “Having a sense of purpose is crucial to a meaningful life.”

What to teach young people about winning

“Kids are born with different dispositions for certain kinds of achievements, but children’s drive for achievement often stems more from cultural and familial signals and what parents expect,” says Harvard professor Richard Weissbourd, director of the Making Caring Common Project. His work centers on moral development, vulnerability and resilience in childhood, strategies for schools and parents, hope, and fostering a commitment to justice. He notes that an excessive focus on achievement can lead to perfectionism and anxiety, especially when kids feel unrecognized in other areas of their lives. 

A December 2022 study by his team found “distressing” data: 58% of young adults (18-25) reported little or no meaning or purpose in their lives, with achievement and financial stress being top mental health concerns. “All this achievement and financial stress is driving and crowding out other kinds of joy and meaning in their lives. Life becomes about achievement. Not about wonder or awe or personal relationships,” says Weissbourd.

“I don’t think there’s anything more important that we can do than raise kids who have an ethical character who care about other people, who care about the common good,” says Weissbourd, adding that the U.S. has “elevated individual success as the primary goal of child raising and demoted caring for other people and the common good.”

Schools and families can counter this trend by encouraging kids to contribute to their communities (their classroom, school, neighborhood, faith-based community) and fostering collective flourishing.

“We’re in this moment where a lot of parents have an allergy to losing and maneuver to get their kids on winning teams or the everybody-gets-a-trophy phenomenon, and that’s concerning,” says Weissbourd. “In today’s hyper-attentive parenting, many focus on a child’s moment-to-moment emotions, asking constantly, “Does that make you sad? Angry?” Weissbourd argues that while it’s important to help children articulate their feelings, parents should also encourage empathy. “If kids tune into how others feel, they’ll have better relationships, a key source of wellbeing.”  

Ultimately, parents should teach kids to care about others not for personal gain, “but because it’s the right thing to do.”

Balancing individual and collective success

“American schools were originally founded to cultivate ethical character, caring, and prepare people to be good citizens, not just to cultivate academic success,” says Weissbourd. 

He acknowledges the excitement winning brings, not just for the winner but for their family, friends, cities, and country.

 says Weissbourd about watching the Olympics with his wife. “I’m not any way opposed to winning.” 

“I’m not against winning for my own kids. I wanted them to win. I wanted them to lose, too. I wanted them to have some mix of things…but winning can become an addiction. It can become the sole purpose of life, not one star in the constellation of life, which is debilitating.” 

 “Both individual achievement and collective achievement are important, but I feel like we’re way out of balance with this,” says Weissbourd, adding that it’s a fundamental issue about what comprises a good life. “The more that we can see ourselves as intertwined with our community, I think the more that we can sustain our sense of purpose when our own individual efforts might be thwarted or delayed.” 

Olympic Champion Dara Torres

Dara Torres, a five-time Olympian and winner of a whopping 12 Olympic medals (four gold, four silver, and four bronze), is now the head coach of the Swimming & Diving team at Boston College. Torres, who competed for the United States from age 15 to 41, ranks in the top 20 all-time Olympic medalists. 

“Winning was really something that was within me,” says Torres, who grew up competing with four brothers. Although she played other sports, she discovered her passion for swimming early on and began winning races at 11 or 12, finding pride and joy in competition.

She didn’t succumb to Gold Medal Syndrome after her Olympic victories, as her life had purpose beyond competition. “I always had something to go back to,” says Torres, who overcame an eating disorder.

By the 2008 Olympics, Torres was a mother, which profoundly shifted her perspective. “In 2008, I remember looking at these kids in my events and thinking, God, they have no idea. They think this is the most important thing that will ever happen to them,” she recalls. “But for me, my child was the most important thing.”

This perspective helped her avoid post-competition depression that many athletes experience. “There is definitely something to athletes getting very depressed after they compete. Because you have to remember, they’ve been doing this their whole life…and then you’re thrown out in the real world and it’s just not the same.” 

She says that the social media hive of negativity can also negatively affect mental health. Something she didn’t have to deal with when she was growing up.

Torres advocates for balance and fun in sports. “If you’re not having fun, then there’s no way you’re going to be the best that you can be,” she says, stressing the importance of variety in training to avoid excess pressure, boredom and burnout. Rather than simply coaching to win, “it’s about making sure these kids are working to their full potential, but also having fun while they do it,” says Torres.  For her, winning is about “giving it everything that I have, but not at every cost.”

Torres emphasizes the importance of support systems and goal setting in achieving success. “Keep those who support you close by because I think that really lifts you,” says Torres. 

Excellence versus winning

“I was very struck when gymnasts Simone Biles and Jordan Chiles bowed to Rebecca Andrade from Brazil, as a sign of humility, respect, and generosity for her gold medal win,” says Lamb. “To have two world-class athletes also honoring others excellence is really crucial.”

“In our culture, it’s easy to confuse excellence and winning,” says Lamb, adding that winning often honors excellence, but winning is inherently competitive, while excellence is more expansive. 

He worries that a culture obsessed with winning—whether in sports, education, or business—can foster cutthroat attitudes and overlook moral excellence and virtues like cooperation and collaboration, which promote flourishing for the whole group, “not just one person,” says Lamb. “I do think that flourishing is a better vision of success than simply winning.”

The Nike commercial “Winning Isn’t For Everyone” he believes sends the wrong message to people about what really matters. Lamb advocates for a broader view of success, one that includes how people respond to failure, loss, and more. He emphasizes qualities such as kindness, humility, justice, and courage—often celebrated in eulogies. 

“There are many ways to be excellent…We ought to celebrate and honor various kinds of excellences that aren’t just about achievement or performance,” he says. This can expand children’s view of what success is. “I think it is important to acknowledge that winning matters in some cases…but that we can’t think that winning is the purpose of life.” 

“In ancient Greek philosophy, the word for excellence also meant virtue.” Lamb points out that excellence isn’t solely about performance; it’s about being an excellent human being, a quality that’s much harder to measure but far more valuable in the long run.

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Alene Dawson is a Southern California-based writer known for her intelligent and popular features, cover stories, interviews, and award-winning publications. She’s a regular contributor to the LA Times.